Love and Lockdown in Morocco - Part 1 “Arrival”
I’ve always considered Morocco to be a great love of mine so I suppose it’s no surprise that I would meet the great love of my life there as well. Since I first step foot in Morocco I always felt a strong connection and a pull back to the country. It was my first destination when I ventured off to travel, photograph and experience more of the world and every trip since then has brought me full circle and introduced me to so many beautiful people and experiences in my life. First Morocco introduced a great friend into my life, then a great love and now an entire family that have turned into my 2nd home; all while bringing me closer to myself.
The story starts with Lola. I met Lola in December 2019 on my 2nd trip to Morocco. I was staying in Marrakech and on a whim decided to book a stay at the Berber Lodge 45 minutes outside of the city. This was very unlike me because I already had paid accommodations in Marrakech but I yearned to be outside of the city and in nature for one night. As I arrived to Berber Lodge, I walked amongst the property’s olive trees and the memories of my time in this country started to come back; it was like exploring a lover after having been apart for a long time.
The earth begs for you to stop and pause and leave behind the chaos of your everyday life. As I entered the salon I cried because of its beauty and the sense of calm that came with it. I was told “we’re a family here” and that was felt in the cozy spaces that now held me. I thought about the places that have made me cry purely from being majestic and beautiful in their natural state. The Sahara Desert as the sun was starting to rise…I’ve never thought of myself as a nature girl but the more I find myself caught in the rat race where the goal is to make more to consume more it becomes less enticing and escapes into nature become more necessary.
- Journal Entry, Berber Lodge. December 9th 2019
As I made my way across the lawn to my table for lunch, a voice by the name of Lola said “hello”. I had just finished crying and was still full of so many feelings and reflection on being back that I had to stop and snap back to the present. It was Lola’s last day at Berber Lodge and like travelers at an airport terminal, she was departing as I was arriving, and we just happened to connect for a few moments in transit. In a few short minutes I shared about it being my first time back to Morocco in 3 years and how special it was to me; as I opened up and continued to tell my story I started to cry again and she told me in a comforting voice “you can cry, just feel it”. After I finished crying and only a few minutes later we exchanged information, Lola left Berber Lodge and unbeknownst to both of us, our kismet connection would later turn into a great friendship.
Back in the states and still a few months before Covid shut down the world, Lola and I hopped on the phone and like old friends we picked up right where we left off, sharing stories about our experiences in Morocco and feeling so happy to have found someone that gets it! She told me her plans to return to Marrakech in March, rent an apartment for a few months and invited me to go back and visit. Those next few months she updated me with apartments she was considering, flights she was booking and then in early March despite news of the global pandemic shutting down borders left and right; Lola continued with her plan, told me “I hope they let me on the plane, I’m not sure if they will but I’m going to try”. She caught one of the last flights to Morocco in March 2020 and ended up becoming my gateway to daily life in Morocco, which in the beginning was how she was handling the strict lockdown in her Marrakech apartment. My WhatsApp was filled with daily messages, photos, videos and stories of Marrakech during times of Corona and then a few months later the simplicity and beauty of the nearby countryside where it sometimes didn’t even feel like Covid existed and then a few months after that the windy coastal city of Essaouira, a place I left a piece of my heart in long ago.
The borders opened back up to the US in September 2020 and since then Lola had been urging me to come back to Morocco to visit her and experience Morocco during a really rare time where there wasn’t that many tourists. I thought about returning in December but decided on springtime instead when the orange blossoms would be in full bloom, a scent that welcomed me to Morocco in 2016. My passport had expired so I started the process to expedite the renewal (for those of you who don’t know, that process is not as expeditious as you pay for it to be, but that’s another story), I waited patiently for it and then not so patiently, knowing that if it didn’t arrive by March 15th or so I would need to travel at a later date so it wouldn’t interfere with my boss’s vacation plans in April. On Friday, March 12th, my passport arrived and I booked my flight to leave a few days later on that next Tuesday. I didn’t tell anyone except for my family and a few very close friends because 1) I would need to make sure I didn’t have Covid before flying (thankfully I did not) and 2) I knew that during such a volatile time that borders could shut down or deny entry at anytime so I didn’t say anything until my feet were firmly planted on Moroccan soil.
Everything is so green. Rich and full of life. It feels like I’m traveling for the first time. A fresh passport waiting for new adventures in familiar places. My first stamp - Morocco. How appropriate. I keep coming back to give my heart and soul a much needed tune up. A fresh start for myself and for the land as we rebirth into spring.
- Notes on the train from Casablanca to Marrakech, March 17th 2021
As soon as I arrived back to Morocco I was cheerfully welcomed by the exuberant and energetic Lola and taken to her apartment and my home base for the next few weeks. I had a long travel journey, almost 48 hours with all the transits - an early morning drive from San Diego to LA, a flight from LA to NY, a flight from NY to Casablanca, a train from Casa to Marrakech and then a bus from Marrakech to Essaouira. I was exhausted but Lola presented me with all the options - go out, stay in but I opted to stay in for the first night where she had warm soup and local bread and then the plan for the next morning; a much needed spa day complete with hammam, a Cleopatra milk bath and then a massage.
Now what happened the next morning sometimes happens for me on vacation when there’s no work to occupy the mind and heart; there’s a quiet and a stillness to actually feel. Being the person that I am, I dive into my feelings to explore them further and hidden in the shadows was a familiar feeling I knew all too well but for years had covered up with a hectic work life, an attitude of hyper-independence, passion projects and the constant movement of working on myself, transforming myself, accomplishing goals and then quickly moving onto the next. That morning there was an uncovering of an emotion I had buried away because it was easier to live my life without the pain of being without it - love. I cried in my bed and when I thought of keeping these feelings to myself I instead knocked on Lola’s door and immediately started bawling and started unloading all of the fears I hadn’t allowed myself to speak of in years. “I’m never going to find anyone”, “I’m never going to experience love”, “I don’t even know what it feels like, I’m not going to know what to do” and so on and on and on. Thankfully Lola immediately snapped into action, comforted me with her midwestern “sugar pie” accent, assuring me that it wasn’t too late and “you just got here”, until my sobs became less heavy and I had exhausted myself of all my tears and felt calm enough to carry on.
That same morning we went for a quiet walk on the beach I hadn’t walked on in 5 years and then sat down at an oceanfront coffee shop and while learning how to order my kawa (coffee in Moroccan Arabic), the man who would prove all my earlier statements and fears to be false walked in.
to be continued…